Often times, people confuse me with Nick S. Naioti. Well, let me set that straight. There are actually quite a few differences between me and Nick: I've got slightly darker hair than Nick, I'm much more heroic, and I dress much nicer than he does. Oh yeah, and it's Spy Chase! always spelled with a !. But you should know that by now. On with the biography, Spy Chase!

I am in fact, not a human. I am a Xannn (pronounced Jones). I was born on the planet YS3, and I lived there for about 1,680,500 light years. Everything that happened on YS3 is completely confidential and I'm not going to share it with you. Don't even go there, sister. Our names are not understandable in any Earth language (my real name is "8*4 Ytt0.", in Xannn.), but there are translations of them that seem kind of like normal names in English. Spy Chase! is mine. The ! is a strange part of the translation - always use it please. I find it very offensive if you don't.

In the summer of 3X77T, or as you humans know it, 1985, I was informed by my parents that I was going to be sent to Earth on a mission. The mission was to learn how to play guitar, sing, play keyboards, drums, operate synthesizers, record music, and create a couple CDs (or, as I know, to rock). This isn't an easy set of things to learn. Naturally, I couldn't play drums in baby form, so I had to grow up just like everyone else. Originally, I was headed to New Jersey, but our shuttle ran out of gas, and we crashed into Skaggs Hospital in Branson, Missouri. Unfortunately, my parents passed away in the crash. R.I.P. Mitsubishi and Goliath Chase!.

Let me tell you a little somethin' somethin' about us Xannn. We are unlike humans entirely. We are actually balls of light - not actually light, but it's sort of like it. Humans can't comprehend what it actually is. Anyway, we have the power to jump into a human body and take it over. About half the time that we do this, however, there is what we call a subjectification. It's where you create a similar, but slightly different version of that person, but the original specimen stays perfectly fine and doesn't even know it happened, usually. At the moment of a subjectification, all time freezes, for humans, for about twenty-six hours. This way, a Xannn can get out of that place without the human knowing that anything occurred. Now that you know that, on with the story:

A child was being born right then and there in Skaggs Hospital, so what the heck, you know? Children are easier to take over because their minds are not as developed and set in their beliefs of physical science as adults are. So anyway, I tried to jump into this kid. As luck would have it, subjectification occurred and all time froze for about 26 hours human time. I was in the kid, but the kid was still there. So I had to get myself somewhere far away, fast - so that the humans didn't realize what was going on.

So I jogged to the Springfield regional airport and made my way onto a plane. Time was still frozen, so I didn't have to worry about going through security and stuff. I made my way onto a plane that was headed for Biloxi, Mississippi. I jumped out of the baby's body and into the pilot's. Using my bulletproof shiny plastic ultra-brain, I transferred all of his knowledge about airplanes and how to operate them to my brain. So I got to choose where we were going, because time was frozen, and nobody was there to stop me. I should've probably thought about it, because the plane only had about enough gas to get... oh I'd say about the distance from Springfield, Missouri to Biloxi, Mississippi if I had to make a guess. I didn't really think about that, and I'd planned to go to Tokyo. So, you know, around the post-Atlantic Ocean region and the pre-African region, I ran out of gas. The plane crashed in an African Desert just as time was coming unfrozen. I quickly jumped back into the baby's body and wrapped myself in some airplane blankets as the plane was going down. Everyone died except me.

As I climbed from the wreckage of the destroyed airplane, several animals gathered around me. This was my first time I'd been to Earth, and my parents really hadn't briefed me about Earth's animalia. I still don't really know that much about it. Some "snakes" carried me off into a nearby underground desert tunnel. Between the years of 1985 and 1989, I lived down there with those snakes - surviving on airplane peanuts and dead insects for four years. As soon as I gather up enough money, I plan to go back to that desert and visit the snakes. They're my only family now. Nick's Mom is pretty hospitable to me though. Anyway, in 1990, when I moved out of the snakes' den, I roamed across the desert and taught myself to juggle cacti. This would prove very useful as it would eventually lead to my escaping Africa. I slept in caves and traveled, perfecting my juggling act, for roughly four years, until 1994 came along and a stunning realization hit me. I had lost track of my actual goal. I had been so wrapped up in acting like a normal human child that I'd forgotten my motives. So, it was time for me to act upon my mission.

It's tough living in the desert with little food and no money. One important life lesson that the snakes taught me was this: "The fastest way to a person's brain is through their wallet." So my next goal was to gather up some cash, to eventually make my way back to the states, where I could get a really good job. So I joined a circus. Using my bulletproof shiny plastic ultra-brain, I taught my self... African? Whatever language African folks speak. Anyway, I learned it, and my cactus juggling act was a big hit. We were a very acclaimed traveling circus and Africans would travel hundreds of miles to see the show. Eventually, I was promoted to "events director," which really just meant I didn't have to juggle cacti any more and I got paid about the same.

In 1996, I had finally saved up enough money to buy a plane ticket to the states. Unfortunately, I was unaware of this law: persons under eighteen years of age cannot purchase airplane tickets. Well, then... I was supposed to wait seven years? I don't think so. But how would an eleven year old pass as an eighteen year old? Well, if I could just befriend a person over eighteen years of age, then I could buy the ticket, right? Right. So, I talked to a few people in the circus that I was still a part of, until I found this fellow named Jamaau, or something like that, I don't really remember. He seemed like a fairly nice fellow, so I talked to him about my situation and asked him to buy the ticket for me (with my money, of course). He agreed to do it under the pretense that I give him $250 (it wasn't really in dollars, of course, but it was about equal to $250) extra, and accepted my money. He informed me that he'd go to the airport that evening to buy the ticket. I gave him $1,250 - translated to dollars - and he told me he'd talk to me tomorrow. Let me point out that this was about all of my money at that point in time. I found a note on my desk the next day that read: "DEAREST FRIEND SPY CHASE! I'VE COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU. P.S. - THANKS FOR THE MONEY!" and was signed "T.T." I never saw Jamaau again.

Let me tell you a little somethin'. Back on my home planet, YS3, for your first 1,000,000 light years, you have to go to a body calibration center (or BCC), similar to "school" here in America. You see, I went to BCC with this Xannn, his English translation name would be Toxic Teeth, and he always tried to beat me up and stuff. You see, I am not the type to switch around with bodies once I get to Earth, because I don't want people to know the truth, unless I plan to tell them my whole story of my life. Toxic Teeth is EXTRA EVIL AND NASTY. He does whatever he wants to do, regardless of circumstances, and his only reason for being on Earth is to destroy me. Now that you know this, I'll continue with my story.

So now I'm stuck without a plan in Africa once again - completely broke. I was growing very tired of the circus business, so I decided to move to a bigger city, where I could possibly find a more formidable job. So I moved to Cairo and got a job as a painter within the next few weeks. To make an "extra long" story just "long", I made my way as a painter for about 2 years and saved money. For those of you who aren't very well-versed in Egyptian painting jobs, they are pretty corrupt. It's got roots in the Cairo mob scene, and usually people respect a painter. I had to make myself a name before I could make any real money, and that's just what I did in those two years. I joined a gang there, and was the youngest member - at the age of thirteen. I became an infamous criminal through association. I never actually killed anyone, but my gang killed people for me. I don't really like talking about this period in my Earth life, so we'll skip ahead a couple of years.

At the age of sixteen, having been involved in the Cairo mob scene for about three years, I had risen in the ranks of men wanting my place. I was respected greatly, and this, I decided, would be the best time to tell the truth about my life to the leader of the gang. I explained my entire situation to him, and he paid close attention. He informed me that after I accomplished a certain amount of tasks that he'd planned out already, he'd give me a free ticket to America. I agreed, and it turned out for the worse.

I spent an entire year doing these "tasks" that he wanted me to do - gruesome, low-down crimes that I could not speak of in public. After completing them around the end of summer 2001, I asked him to pay his part of the deal, and he did. I thought it would be a nice, calm plane ride from Egypt to Missouri, no big deal, right? Wrong. He put me on a small pontoon boat with a very frightening man driving, and very little food. He informed me that I was going to be dropped off on the far eastern coast of Maine. Well, I was going to be on this boat for about 12 days with this strange man, so I decided to try talking to him. He refused to speak to me and wouldn't even look at me. One day into the trip, when we were well into the Atlantic Ocean, I was awakened by the rocking of the boat. It wasn't moving, though. I'd assumed that maybe the driver wanted to stop and eat. Suddenly, I heard footsteps and I sat up. The man was dashing towards me with a steak-knife. I quickly dodged out of his way and he flopped over the chair. I kicked him into the ocean, and quickly dashed towards the steering wheel and controls of the boat. I had to act fast, because the man was climbing back onto the boat. "I'll kill you, Spy Chase!" he shouted, "if it's the last thing I do!" Using my bulletproof shiny plastic ultra-brain, I quickly taught myself how to control the boat, and took off. About twenty minutes later, I saw something only a Xannn can see- the spirit of another Xannn. It flew past my head and continued west over the horizon. It was Toxic Teeth, and he'd taken over the driver of the boat and had planned to kill me out at sea. Close call for Spy Chase!

So, I completed the painstaking task of traveling across the Atlantic Ocean in a pontoon boat. It was difficult, and it took me about 17 days. Finally, once I got to the states, I had to find a way to get to Missouri on the little money and little food that I had left. I began raking people's yards during the day, and walking west during the night. I didn't sleep for two months, just traveling and raking. I'd finally saved up some money, enough to catch a bus ride a couple hundred miles westward. So, I landed myself in Sevierville, Tennessee. I got a job at a fast food place and worked there for four more months, living in a motel. Finally, around late spring of 2003, I had enough money to get to Branson, Missouri.

See, I've wanted to go to Branson because Nick S. Naioti lives there. I look almost exactly like Nick, so if I were to befriend him, I could live secretly in his house, and I wouldn't have to work for my food. Not to mention, if Nick saw me somewhere without knowing the whole story, he'd start telling people, and then you humans would catch on. I don't want to be arrested and questioned and all that, you know. So I needed to become friends with Nick.

I finally made it to Nick's house in the late summer of 2003. I hid under his bed, and introduced myself to him late one night. He was shocked, of course, but after I told him the story, he understood. I lived in Nick's house with him for about a year. We split up the daily events, and nobody even knew the difference. We kept it a secret until recently, and some people even think Nick and I are the same person. Oh well. Believe what you want.

In February of 2004, Nick and I moved to Orlando, Florida, so that Nick can appease his parents and attend some sort of post-high school education. It's mostly kept a secret with Nick's friends in Orlando that there are actually two of us. One hides out in locations unspeakable, while the other attends the daily schedules. It wasn't until late July 2004 when something happened that greatly effected Nick and I alike, sending our musical endeavors hurdling into unchartered landscapes.

Late one night, Nick and I were sitting up late in his room practicing old songs when something completely unexpected and bizarre occured. One moment Nick and I were seated on his futon and the floor respectively, and the next we were floating through a musical dimentia. Now, you may speculate that this state of mind can only be brought upon by the use of recreational drugs. This is not so. The only way such a journey may actually occur, not just some drug influenced vision, is through a wormhole happening at the very second, in the very location of one or more living beings that can percieve this type of mental overload. The odds of this type of hole coming in contact with any portion of the Earth, as a human and a Xannn are in that location and are actually intellegent enough to percieve this type of energy are microscopic. This is my best explanation for the phenomenon that occurred that night, but the power Nick and I experienced is truly unexplainable through the English language.

After having percieved this excursion, the old Spy Chase! tunes seem meaningless and drab. The Pee EP and the forthcoming music is of an elevated spiritual nature, portraying visions that Nick and I understand through the dimentional connections we made through the wormhole. Please allow me to state once again that this journey Nick and I endured is not the product of drug or alcohol related influences.

Toxic Teeth is living in the state of Tennessee right now, and is living with one of Nick's old buddies, Kevin Tillery. Nick and I have persuaded Kevin to keep Toxic Teeth in his house, and keep him away from Spy Chase! The Toxic Teeth story is another entire story in itself, and we won't discuss his life too much, until Toxic Teeth chooses to unveil his story. Toxic Teeth has decided to battle Spy Chase! through music now, and Kevin has access to some of T.T.'s songs. Nick wants to post them on the website, but I want you all to know that if we do, we're not supporting Toxic Teeth, and we don't want you to support him either. He is an evil, cold-hearted Xannn who's only out to destroy Spy Chase!

Thank you for reading my biography, and please don't doubt my trials and travails that precede this statement.